Red Menace

Nothing is quite as coincidental as life's great coincidences. Case in point:

Earlier today I was reading Poker Degenerate's post (yes, I'm the one) on team, Sputnik speaking poker at a Washington card room. An interesting and amusing little anecdote to be sure. But then tonight, I'll be damned if I don't have a similar experience. Just a little while ago, I went out to do some quick gocery shopping at the new local Giant.

What? A guy can't do grocery shopping? Are you and me going to have a problem about that? Then shut your piehole and let me finish.

Anyway, I was at the Giant. I'm minding my own business, humming to a tune, when this lady walks by me in the opposite direction talking Russian into her cell phone. Needless to say, I was floored. Still jacked up by Degen's story, I couldn't let it slide. So I say...

"HEY........OLGA! NO FREAKIN' SPUTNIK IN THE DAIRY AISLE!!!!!!"

Instantly she stopped dead in her tracks...completely silent. Everyone else went quiet too. Clearly they felt the same as me, but were probably too polite to say anything. She was staring at me in disbelief. I'm quite certain this was the first time somebody pushed back at her non-conforming behavior. Not wanting to lose my advantage, I continued...

"This is America...we speak ENGLISH here, capisce? You know the rules so take your bolshevik babbling back to the third world where it belongs. And that goes for the produce department too!!!"

She s-l-o-o-o-o-w-w-w-w-l-y closed her phone and started to back away. I think she got the message. But just to make sure, I saw some pock-faced 17 year-old kid in an apron walking near by. "Hey Floor!!" I called, "C'mere." I told him the whole story. He looked pretty stunned. I guess he didn't think something like that would happen in his place. So I gave him a fiver and suggested he have the eye in the sky keep an eye on her.

Feeling pretty good about myself, I finished my shopping. I hate having to be the grocery police, but I'm a stickler for rules...just my nature I guess.